Remembering His Promises

Copied from facebook August 24, 2013

So this last week has been busy. And when I say "busy" I mean "crappy." I've passed out 3 times this past week. One time I was unconscious for about 45 minutes. Yikes! I've been to the ER, I've been to the doctor. I've given blood 4 times for various tests. I'm waiting for test results. I'm terrified about those results. Well half the time anyway, the other half I'm surprisingly relaxed. I feel behind in my classes because of all that, and yet I'm on facebook. Sometimes you just have to get some things off your chest though, ya know?

My point is that this last week has been far from easy. Last Saturday was good. I hadn't passed out in about a month, I was feeling pretty good physically, and I was pretty pumped about life. Sunday I passed out in church. (and my friends kept it so hidden that some people didn't even know it had happened!) Ok, minor setback, but life was still good. By Wednesday I was fully recovered from Sunday's ordeal and preparing for a full afternoon of homework. Then I passed out. And I stayed unconscious for about 45 minutes and woke up in the ER. Being my stubborn self, I got out of the ER and went on with life as though nothing had happened. I went to class that evening, then to church... where I passed out again. Passing out twice in one day had never happened before for me. My friends were scared, my family was scared, I was terrified. Friday I went to the doctor for more tests and those are the results I'm anxiously awaiting.

Now I'm sitting in my room listening to "Help Me Find It" by Sidewalk Prophets and crying my little eyes out. In case you aren't familiar with the song, some of the lyrics are:

"I’m giving You fear and You give faith

I giving you doubt

You give me grace

For every step I’ve never been alone

Even when it hurts, You’ll have Your way

Even in the valley I will say

With every breath

You’ve never let me go

I will wait for You

You’ve never failed before

I will wait for You"

I know this. I really do. But now I'm forced to live it. I cannot do this without God. One of my precious friends told me this week that it's okay to be weak. And she's right. Because my strength gets me nowhere fast. 

God's got me, He's holding me together with His strength. No matter how many days I wake up and view these health problems as a curse or as unfair or whatever negative thing... It's a blessing. I'm being shown on a daily basis just how much I need God. And that's a whole lot, in case you were wondering. Life's hard, following God isn't safe, but it is good.