Being Transparent

Many times, I'm tempted to put on that "brave face" even when I shouldn't. I think that if I don't then people will know I'm sick, people will treat me differently, I'll look weak.

But I am sick. Sometimes I do need some help. And I am weak, some days more than other.

But who wants to look it? Not me! I think that a lot of times, I put on my "yes, I'm sick, but it's all really going very well" face or even my "me? sick? you must be mistaken!" face for people even when I'm not okay. Even when I'm laying in my bedroom floor crying my eyes out. Even when I'm questioning God. Even when I blow up at my friends and family because they know better than to believe my "faces."

Truth is- in those instances, I'm trying to be someone I'm not. I'm trying to look like that sweet little Christian girl who sits and accepts everything as it happens, never questioning, never doubting. And that is a lie. I'm not that person. I don't sit here and just accept this. I complain. I question. I've doubted and I probably will again. I get angry. I've gone through spells of giving God the silent treatment like a 4 year old would. I've been in the place where I thought that God was good and that He was capable. He just wouldn't help me.

And that's so wrong. Even though God has not healed me and I am still physically ill, He has helped me. He holds me up through everyday. I know this; I do. But I need reminding daily. And God knew I would. That's why He tells me to seek.

So many times throughout the Bible, we are commanded to seek Him, seek His face, seek His kingdom!

Matthew 6:33 says"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you." 

Colossians 3:1 says "If you then have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 

And one my favorites, Hebrews 11:6 says "And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him."

That's why I'm not ashamed to question anymore.

(There's an important difference in questioning God as in telling Him that you think you know better and questioning to understand Him more.)

It's okay to be transparent. It's okay to be confused. It's okay to ask questions as long as you listen to the answer! It's okay to not have it all together. It's okay to just be you!

This song is absolutely wonderful! It explains things so well, and it's just so pretty!
I Can Just Be Me- Laura Story