Well Hello Again

I haven't blogged in a couple months, and consequently, my insides are about to explode from all I have to share!

Medically: 
     My doctors are starting to believe that either a) I don't actually have dysautonomia or b) I have something in addition to it. In my opinion, it's option b because I do have a lot of symptoms of dysautonomia. However, more and more people (doctors, friends, family, nursing student friends) are starting to suspect some type of seizure activity. I have been tested for seizure activity before, and it was negative. But, fun fact, sometimes tests like that will come back negative if you are not having a seizure during the actual test. And since I can't walk around with all the contraptions hooked up to me on a daily basis, I have to stay in the hospital and pray I have an episode.
     I've known that this was the plan since February, but I just scheduled my appointment yesterday. I go into the hospital on Tuesday, May 27th to stay 2-5 days. The sooner I pass out, the sooner I get to leave is what they tell me. I don't really know everything they will do to me during this time, but here's what I do know:

• I'll be hooked up to several machines the entire time, and that doesn't exactly seem cozy. 
• They will try to make me feel as bad as possible to try to provoke an episode.
• I'm not guaranteed anything. I could go spend my 5 days there and have nothing to show for it. 

     To say that I am not looking forward to this is an understatement. I cried off 3 rounds of mascara yesterday after scheduling my appointment. As some of you know, I went to Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, Florida last summer as a last ditch effort to get answers. They also told me to expect a stay. I walked in, they looked at me, and told me that there was nothing they could do for me. I barely made it out the door before the tears began. And now, all I can think about is that. I do not have high hopes for this appointment, yet I see no choice.

Emotionally:
     As you can probably tell, I'm not doing so well. I've cried a lot the past two days, and I'm crying now. I need my friends and family; I need encouragement.

Spiritually:
     I just started a new Beth Moore book, and I'm LOVING it. More to come on that later, but for now I'll just say that Jesus is really cool. He has changed me and my attitudes about some stuff recently and it's so good! That's what happens when you stop asking Him to change other people and start praying about your own heart.