I've given up on praying for my physical healing. I've been sick for 31 months, almost to the day. That's a really long time to feel bad. For quite some time at the beginning, I didn't believe I deserved healing so why bother praying for it? I didn't pray for myself. Then I realized God wasn't mad at me or throwing a temper tantrum, so I started praying to be healed. No such luck. So I got angry and quit praying for healing again. Then I put on my big girl panties and realized that God can and will operate in His timing. So I started praying again. And now I have stopped praying for physical healing for myself yet again.
Now before you think I've completely lost my ever-loving mind yet again, let me explain. I think I actually have a solid reason this time!
Make no mistake- I would love to be healed from these three monsters. I would gladly accept a backwards bogo deal and only keep one. Heck, just get rid of one and we'll be golden! But that's kinda actually the problem.
The first time I stopped praying for myself and physical healing, it was because I didn't believe that God was willing to heal me. Well guess what! I was wrong...
Christ clearly has compassion on His people in Scripture and does a great deal of healing in His earthly ministry.
Now before you think I've completely lost my ever-loving mind yet again, let me explain. I think I actually have a solid reason this time!
Make no mistake- I would love to be healed from these three monsters. I would gladly accept a backwards bogo deal and only keep one. Heck, just get rid of one and we'll be golden! But that's kinda actually the problem.
The first time I stopped praying for myself and physical healing, it was because I didn't believe that God was willing to heal me. Well guess what! I was wrong...
Christ clearly has compassion on His people in Scripture and does a great deal of healing in His earthly ministry.
Matthew 9:35-10:8
And Jesus went throughout all the cities and
villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the
kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction.
When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few;
therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest."
And he called to him his twelve disciples and gave
them authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal every
disease and every affliction. The names of the twelve apostles are these: first, Simon, who is called Peter, and Andrew his brother; James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother; Philip and Bartholomew; Thomas and Matthew the tax collector; James the son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus; Simon the Cananaean, and Judas Iscariot, who betrayed him. These twelve Jesus sent out, instructing them, "Go nowhere among the Gentiles and enter no town of the Samaritans,
but go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. And proclaim as you go, saying, 'The kingdom of heaven is at hand.'
Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, cast out demons. You received without paying; give without pay.
Christ had compassion on the suffering He saw and His earthly ministry included healing to show the people of a deeper healing He came to accomplish. He has compassion on His children now, as well. He is willing.
The second time I stopped praying for myself and physical healing, it was partially because I didn't believe that God maybe couldn't heal me. Spoiler alert- I was wrong again.
Christ is more than able to heal me. He healed here on earth without even seeing or touching the ill person. He is able.
Matthew 8: 5-13
When he entered Capernaum, a centurion came forward to him, appealing to him,
"Lord, my servant is lying paralyzed at home, suffering terribly."
And he said to him, "I will come and heal him." But the centurion replied, "Lord, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof, but only say the word, and my servant will be healed.
For I too am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. And I
say to one, 'Go,' and he goes, and to another, 'Come,' and he comes, and
to my servant,'Do this,' and he does it."
When Jesus heard this, he marveled and said to those who followed him, "Truly, I tell you, with no one in Israel have I found such faith.
I tell you, many will come from east and west and recline at table with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven,
while the sons of the kingdom will be thrown into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." And to the centurion Jesus said, "Go; let it be done for you as you have believed." And the servant was healed at that very moment.
So if He is willing, and if He is able, then why in the world did I stop praying for physical healing yet again? Simple- healing shouldn't be my goal. Physical healing this side of eternity would be nice, but it's not my goal anymore. My goal is not to be happy and get through life in comfort.
Romans 8
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.
For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh,
in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.
For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot.
Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.
But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness.
If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead
dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give
life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.
So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh.
For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.
For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.
For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope
that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God.
For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.
For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.
And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies.
Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died--more than that, who was raised--who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or
distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?
As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered."
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,
nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be
able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I want to focus on Christ for His goodness, not my wish list. My goal is to become closer to my Savior, not my comfort. If He chooses to grant me physical healing, so be it. If He chooses not to, so be it. Christ has taught me so much through this journey that I would not have learned the same way had I been healthy. I choose Christ over comfort. I choose to focus on His eternal goodness instead of my temporary illness.
I don't believe that praying for physical healing is wrong. It's actually good! But when I place my desire to be healthy over my desire to grow in my relationship with Christ, it becomes idolatry. And it had to go.
