Burdens...

This topic is something I usually keep very close to me and don't ever really let people see it. But I'm practicing honesty and openness, so here goes!

I'm a burden. Yes, we all have burdens, but I am a burden.

I'm a burden on my family, a burden on my friends, a burden on my teachers, a burden really on anyone who happens to interact with me on a regular basis. I know this. I have known this for quite some time now, but it's still hard to accept. I want to be independent, I want to do things myself , I want to take care of myself. But sometimes I just can't. I can't drive right now, sometimes I can't even stand. I need help. I have to rely on those around me. And I don't like it. I don't like feeling like the burden I am.

Now, before everyone starts messaging me trying to assure me that I am, in fact, NOT a burden- let me explain. I'm learning that maybe being a burden is how its supposed to be anyway...

I'm not encouraging laziness here, if you can do something for yourself, then by all means do it. But maybe reliance on others isn't quite the horrible thing that our culture makes it out to be. Because I am a burden to those around me quite often, I get to see a special side of them.

These ladies are wonderful! Some of my favorites. Not a one has ever been resentful of the extra help I need. They're always there. ALWAYS! I know I can call them at midnight because I'm just overwhelmed with the whole situation (I know this because I've done this), I know that if I pass out, at least one of them will be there when I wake up. I know that when I'm sick and I see one of them cry, it's because they're hurting for me, not mad that I'm "messing up their schedules." I know these ladies are there for me, without ever lording it over my head that they do help me often.

The other day I was blessed to see what our friendship looks like through someone else's eyes. I saw these 3 friends together one night. One of them was in a wheelchair; it looked like possibly a knee injury. Anyway, as I watched (stalked) these 3 friends, it stuck out to me how normal their interaction was. I don't know these people, so I can't say for certain, but it seemed to me that they treated the girl in the wheelchair the same as when she hadn't needed their help. When her arms got tired with her wheelchair, one of the friends stepped up to push her without saying one word or expecting a big thank you.

I feel like I've gotten closer to some people because I do have to rely on them, and it certainly makes me rely on God more. Do some people treat me differently? Yeah, but that's to be expected.

My point is this- maybe independence isn't all it's cracked up to be and blessings can come from both admitting when we need to be dependent and shouldering a friend's burdens. It's hard to admit when you need help, but blessings do come from it.