I've been extremely attached to Troy's band so far this semester. I LOVE that I live right across from the band field. If you ever can't find me, check the hill by the band field. I sit there and watch the band and cry. Today I was sitting there full-blown ugly crying. Thank goodness for sunglasses!
Don't get me wrong, I have always loved the Sound of the South and have been immensely proud to have them at Troy. But somehow this year is more like my freshman year. The last two years, I guess I took having the band around for granted.
I haven't been very secret about my struggles and my past with this blog. High school was terrible, and I even hated my hometown because of it. I was beyond thrilled to move to Troy my freshman year and "get away" from my past. The band was a constant reminder that I was no longer in high school (my high school didn't have a band). Sophomore and junior years I still loved the band, but I was doing better and didn't need them quite the same way.
Earlier this summer when I was diagnosed with PNES (which is caused by something like PTSD from my high school experience) I felt like I was right back where I didn't want to be. The panic attacks started again. The nightmares started again. The incessant crying started again. The hopelessness started again. The only difference is that this time I wasn't quite ready to leave my parents to move to Troy. I wanted the safety my parents offered. My friends in Troy are great, but my parents know what I went through better than anyone. My mom slept on the floor next to my bed for an entire semester in high school because I was doing so badly.
I didn't want to leave them. I didn't want to move back to Troy and start work and classes and my big-girl life. I cried on move-in day. The next day was the first time I heard the band this year. And yes, I cried. It reminded me that I'm not in high school. That part of my life is O.V.E.R!
So thank you, Sound of the South, for making me glad to be back in Troy and reminding me that there is life after crap. (I'll still probably continue to ugly cry for you.)
Troy was an escape for me as well. It became my safe-haven. I spent many of my breaks and my vacations there. It is difficult to let go of the past, especially when your past is filled with pain and haunts you day and night. BUT there is hope, joy, and life outside of Troy :) When I moved away I found a new safe haven, the park! Nothing beats a long walk out in nature.
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