Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

Days like today I want to give up.

Unfortunately giving up on being sick- not really an option. It feels like I'm drowning in an ever-growing list of symptoms, the most recent being back spasms. My first one was 2 weeks ago and it came out of the clear blue sky. I figured I pulled a muscle since I'm not exactly the epitome of grace in action. It started when I woke up and was mainly just soreness by late afternoon. No harm, no foul, right? Today's caught me completely off guard and it came out with guns blazing. In fact, I'm writing this now because I'm still awake with pain. Back spasms coupled with the inability to take a deep breath has made for an exhausting day, mentally and physically.

Overall, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm sick of cancelled plans and I'm tired of the toll being sick takes. I'm sick of looking healthy while feeling like I'd just rather hug the floor, and I'm tired of feeling that "Get Well" cards are empty promises. I'm so sick and tired of living sick and tired.

But I do live sick and tired. What other choice do I have? Sit at home and wallow in self-pity? Not a chance. As soon as my back allows me the luxury of movement (and of, it IS a luxury) once more I will be out living my life. It's the only life I have to live (did I just use yolo?) and I can't trade it in for a more "convenient" one. I probably couldn't handle the new life anyway since I was created for this one. Being sick and tired has made me who I am. Being sick and tired has made me depend on the great I Am. I'm an independent personality with an "I'll do it myself" attitude. Without being stopped in my tracks by something outside my control, would I make time for Him? I shudder to think. Days like today remind me how helpless I am on my own. I would rather do life my way without being sick and tired, but I think it's pretty safe to say it's better that I can't.