From Bad to Beautiful

Several years ago during a particularly hard circumstance in my life, I remember my Dad telling me that I had a gift. He told me that he could see throughout my entire life that I was always able to look back on things and see how they connected and influenced other things in my life. Good things, things that I am thankful for now. I can see how things I viewed as negative led me to where I am now, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

This may not seem like much, but now it seems as though God has been equipping me my entire life to be sick. It’s so much easier to endure if you can find the light, find the good in situations. Sometimes it takes years to be able to see, but once you recognize it- it makes me feel so safe. It’s a reminder that God has me.

Right now, I’m pretty clueless as to the big picture of why everything is the way it is. I know I’m being drawn closer to God in the process. I know that I can support others who are sick in ways that I never could have before. And I know that I have a boldness I lacked before. See, I used to be pretty shy. But passing out and having such a public illness really gets you over that rather quickly. I can’t hide that I pass out, so why not talk about it? Why not talk about how God is using it in my life? Even if I learn so much through this, doesn’t it seem a little “cheap” if I don’t share it?

God has given me this platform that I never imagined or asked for. If I don’t use it, that just means everything I go through has one less purpose. It still wouldn’t be purposeless. But why not get every use I possibly can out of this? I’m going to be sick anyway.

Partially, I started blogging what I’m going through and how God’s using it for my friends and family to read. To give them a glimpse into my heart, into my thought process. And partially I started this because I have memory problems and if I don’t tell you now, I might never. J But mostly, I started this because it is so cool to look back and see how far God has brought you and how He has remained faithful to you the entire time!!! I mean really! How disappointing would it be to look back over the last few years of your life and see nothing!? To not see any of how God used negative to become positive for you and others around you?

Long story, short- I'm learning to let go. I'm learning to share how God is using me, using this. The support so far has been incredible and overwhelming. I hope this helps someone, you or maybe someone you know. I want God to use me, use this, for His glory. To show this world that bad doesn't have to be bad, end of story. My God can take bad and make beautiful.

*For those of you who haven't yet heard, the test results that I was waiting for so anxiously came back normal.